I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
