conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
