and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And then he peed in my hair
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