So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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