i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
