What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
