went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize