Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
