i think my tv is drunk
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
