i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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