hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
