So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
