There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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