therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you win again, gameday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
