This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
