i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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