I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
