All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
