he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
