At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
