Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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