I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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