this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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