I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
