Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
