I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
