She's JV to your varsity
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
