I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
