eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
