i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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