I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
