Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize