I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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