He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
