So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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