You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
