Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
