listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize