so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize