the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
