sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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