it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
