So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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