Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
