do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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