I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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