I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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