a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
