There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
