dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
