i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize