I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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