honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
