when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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