I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
