HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
