I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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