i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
