I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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