I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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