so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize