Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
