Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
