Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come see our sink grown plant.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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