i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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