please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
