he shaved USA in his pubs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
